you are the air in my lungs and i smoke a lot

Whole Foods should be called Whole Paycheck, aptly. As wives wandered the isles filling their shopping carts with vegan treats and soy alternatives, whilst sipping on their non-fat mocha soy chai lattes I checked prices and cost per ounces. An entire cart would be worth $150 based on my advanced calculations so I stuck to the hand basket.

“How are you today?”

“Good, just out spending my husband’s hard earned money?”

“Oh!?! Sounds good!”

“Sure is! Oh and did I tell you I’m working on a script right now with my free time!”

Somehow Whole Foods has regulars, people who can consistently afford $150 carts of overpriced organic food. Don’t get me wrong, I like naturally produced and procured foods, but I can’t afford it. I managed to get away today with three bags (paper, never plastic) of sundries today.

The list included:
1.51lb package of baby carrots
2.5lb large white peaches
1lb organic spring mix (with rocket!)
2.37lb red grapefruit
tofurkey sausage
1 dozen organic free-range eggs
jalapeño garlic hummus
roasted almonds (7.99 for the smallest amount of almonds ever)
5 boxes of organic 365 alfredo mac and cheese
1 can black eye peas
2 cans organic black beans
pita chips
pirates booty, cheddar flavored
frozen veggie okra patties
frozen okra

This cost $50.55. Had I shopped with the same reckless abandon applied at normal supermarkets I could have easily melted my credit card on swipe.

Pretty soon the clock will start running forward. Seconds will pass in half the time it would take normally and the world will begin blurring by in wide aperture settings. The light will soften and the days will grow longer, evenings drawing out while crowds fill thousands of empty seats that the day before were home to thousands of others who drank beer, spilled popcorn and combined their voices in song. Their sound will remind us that we are all human and that we all want to be remembered and loved. And I’ll listen to it and wonder how I fit in.

The reality is that I don’t know any reality anymore. I’m a wandering soul. The euphemism goes that while you may not be lost, it’s just that you aren’t found. I’m lost and I’m not found. But, I am open to both of those things happening. Any time. Any time now.